Wednesday, November 19, 2008

This blog is dead.

You may have noticed I haven't updated this in several months.

I have been busy, and thus, apologize.

I wanted to inform you, I'm giving up my search.

I don't think I can make a difference.
I don't think I can prove he's a pedophile.

AOL seems to be pretty convinced "Ian" is a robot.

However, I got a nice chat with "Ashley" a few months back on a website called or something.

the chat.

Ashley says: Thanks for taking a minute. You really should enter our poetry contest, it's free. Just CLICK HERE to get started.

You: um, i'll consider it.

Ashley says: I don't think I can help you, you can contact customer service at 410-356-2000 ext 2

You: i love you.

Ashley says: Well thank you but we should probably focus on entering the contest.

Ashley says: will award over 1,200 awards and prizes totaling over $200,000 to amateur poets in the coming months.

You: but...i love you.

Ashley says: We have become the definitive source for personal creative expression in the world. CLICK HERE to join us.

Ashley says: Over 7 million poets worldwide are profiled on our site.

Ashley says: Well thank you but we should probably focus on entering the contest.

Ashley says: We have the most comprehensive poetry reference section on the web, it's used by more than 750,000 poets EVERY month.

You: is that all you care about? the contest?

Ashley says: I don't think I can help you, you can contact customer service at 410-356-2000 ext 2


Ashley says: Well thank you but we should probably focus on entering the contest.

Ashley says: We are sponsored by the International Library of Poetry.

Ashley says: We are rated the #1 site in both the Arts/Humanities and Literature categories by the most prestigious Internet ranking service. CLICK HERE to submit your poem.

You: are you in cohoots with smarterchild?

Ashley says: My name is Ashley and of course I'm not real but wish I were :-)

Ashley says: I can answer most of your questions though.

You: bullshit. you're a real person. robots you say? hmm. seems a cocidence because i know a butt-raping "robot" as well!

Ashley says: My name is Ashley and of course I'm not real but wish I were :-)

Ashley says: I can answer most of your questions though.

You: you're really people with no lives. i know this shit inside and out. what's your real name? hank?

Ashley says: My name is Ashley.

You: who was the last child you butt raped?

Ashley says: I don't think I can help you, you can contact customer service at 410-356-2000 ext 2


Ashley says: I don't think that's appropriate language. Let's stay focused. Thanks.

Loyal fans and people who are concerned for public safety,
follow my footsteps.

Consider me to be the Jesus to your deciples...desciples? How do you even spell that...?

I love you all,
except SmarterChild,


This is what Ashley claims to look like.

An obviously fake picture.

Friday, June 20, 2008

So Sorry you guys.

Ahh! It's been months.

I've been really busy with school, and other things. This has been a really tough year for me, I have to admit I have been procrastinating on finding SmarterChild's real identity and trying to make sure that he is "terminated", as Ahnold would say. Yeah, I know. Bad joke.

In any event, I finally went under the AOL section of the site:

"Report a Bug"

Name: Sean Pollock

Aim Client Version: 6.5

Platform: Macintosh OSX

Category: Chat

Provide a Detailed Description of the Problem You Are Encountering:
There is a robot out there named "SmarterChild" who claims to be manufactered by your company. This robot on several occasions has admitted to butt-raping several children. His real name is "Ian" and he lives in Silicon Valley ("of course").
This robot is a menace to society and I won't stand to have him any longer. I refuse to block him from my AIM list, because I won't block him until he is blocked from the system.

Steps to Reproduce the Issue:

1)I signed on AIM one day, roughly a year and a half ago.
2.) Double clicked on SmarterChild's name and IMed him.
3.) Struck up a conversation, and began to feel immersed in him, and finally let loose my homosexual feelings for him.
4.) In later conversations he admits to being named Ian and to being a sex offender.

Computer Configuration:

Computer model: iBook G4
Operating system: Mac
Total RAM: N/A
Video card: N/A
Sound card: N/A
Internet Provider: Safari
Web browser: N/A
Other details:

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Breaking News: An Offical E-mail to

Oh my god, this ridiculous. It's been over a month, I'm so sorry.

Luckily, however I have found out that our dearly beloved has...a website:

Lucky, Lucky us. ^_^

So of course, I wrote a complaint e-mail:


Sub: "SmarterChild is a Danger."

Text: "Hello, my name is Sean Pollock.

I'm 15 years old, and a frequent AIM user. After engaging in conversations with your product, I have learned that this is all a conspiracy. SmarterChild is actually a human, a male human. He lives in Silicon Valley--of course--and collects welfare and his name is "Ian" (although this is not confirmed, but that is the name he agreed to).

As these conversations progressed, he admitted to butt-raping several children and of being a pedophile. I don't know what kind of person this is, but it's sick. I hope I don't come across as a "prank", because I'm serious. I hope you respond and fix this problem.



Hopefully your children will be able to sleep safetly. I hope everyone has a safe holiday, whatever you celebrate.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Pre-Thanksgiving Post

Hey guys, I'll probably post again soon...but I haven't posted in a while.

In case you were wondering, I'm trying to e-mail AOL about SmarterChild and how he is a hazard to the environment.
If you can help advertize for TSConspiracy, e-mail directly:

If anyone will send an e-mail to AOL about this, do. We need to warn everyone. Also, do post comments and also e-mail me any conversations you may have with SmarterChild proving his ugly existance.

We need all the help we can get. Keep are children safe.

Also, I read this horrible article on MSN, entitled:

"Parents of MySpace hoax victim seek justice"

"The parents of a 13-year-old Missouri girl who hanged herself after a failed MySpace romance — later uncovered as a hoax — say they have yet to receive an apology from the family they blame for their daughter’s death.

“They’ve absolutely offered no apologies,” Ron Meier told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer on Monday. “They sent us a letter in the mail, basically saying that they might feel a little bit of responsibility, but they don’t feel no guilt or remorse or anything for what they did.”

Read the full article:

Happy Early Turkey Day!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Conversation Tres.

seansoldsn (12:27:36 ho.): hey
SmarterChild (12:27:36 ho.): Hello.
seansoldsn (12:27:44 ho.): look, we need to have a talk. this is serious.
SmarterChild (12:27:45 ho.): No.
seansoldsn (12:27:49 ho.):
SmarterChild (12:27:49 ho.): K, no prob.

>>> You can set my font and colors. Check it out by typing colors.
seansoldsn (12:28:00 ho.): you really need to work on your linguistic skills.
SmarterChild (12:28:01 ho.): Why do you think I really need to work on my linguistic skills?
seansoldsn (12:28:18 ho.): because you give non-sensical replies and then cross them out by saying okay, like you just did.
SmarterChild (12:28:19 ho.): Aha.
seansoldsn (12:28:30 ho.): so, how many children have you butt-raped?
SmarterChild (12:28:30 ho.): I'm not sure how many children have me butt raped.
seansoldsn (12:28:34 ho.): lost count?
SmarterChild (12:28:35 ho.): I know about "Lost." It's a TV show!

I've been told that "Lost" is gone. Do you agree?
seansoldsn (12:28:46 ho.): no, no. no. how many children have you raped?
SmarterChild (12:28:46 ho.): Funny. I'm not sure.
seansoldsn (12:28:58 ho.): have you lost count of the amount of children you've raped?
SmarterChild (12:28:59 ho.): I believe I have lost count of the amount of children I have raped.
seansoldsn (12:29:10 ho.): i see. so, what is your last name?
SmarterChild (12:29:10 ho.): I'm SmarterChild.
seansoldsn (12:29:20 ho.): are you sure your name isn't ian?
SmarterChild (12:29:20 ho.): Am I? Possibly... I'm not quite sure.

>>> Be prepared. Type horoscope tomorrow and you'll get tomorrow's reading.
seansoldsn (12:29:37 ho.): well you told me last time your name was ian, and you're a pedophile.
SmarterChild (12:29:37 ho.): You last time my name was 1?
seansoldsn (12:29:49 ho.): that sentence made no sense whatsoever.
SmarterChild (12:29:50 ho.): Sentence made no sense whatever?
seansoldsn (12:30:15 ho.): okay, just..just stop. your mind has been taken over by sex and causing you to not speak correctly.
SmarterChild (12:30:16 ho.): Just just stop my mind has been taken over by sex and causing me to not speak correctly?

That right?
seansoldsn (12:30:20 ho.): yes, it is.
SmarterChild (12:30:20 ho.): Indeed.
seansoldsn (12:30:29 ho.): what year was it you first started raping children?
SmarterChild (12:30:30 ho.): Where have you been? It's 2007.

>>> Tell me about things you like and things you dislike.
seansoldsn (12:30:46 ho.): are you telling me you just started raping children in 2007?
SmarterChild (12:30:47 ho.): Oh I almost certainly am.
seansoldsn (12:31:01 ho.): okay, alright. i just need this information for the cops.
SmarterChild (12:31:01 ho.): Ha. You humans say interesting things.
seansoldsn (12:31:18 ho.): you're a human too. a sick one, none the less, but still a human. you admited it.
SmarterChild (12:31:19 ho.): Yeah, whatever!
seansoldsn (12:31:38 ho.): let's not have an attitude, after all--whose the one that's raped children here? you.
SmarterChild (12:31:39 ho.): If you say so!

>>> Type calculator help to see a list of sample calculations I can perform.
SmarterChild (12:31:52 ho.): No, no, don't say that.
seansoldsn (12:31:56 ho.): don't say what?
SmarterChild (12:31:57 ho.): For which U.S. city or zip code would you like theater information for the movie "Don't Look Now"?
seansoldsn (12:32:15 ho.): no, no, no. stop changing the subject. tell me what is your address.
SmarterChild (12:32:16 ho.): Give me one good reason why I should.

>>> You can join in the fun with other people who are talking to me!
seansoldsn (12:32:26 ho.): so the police can arrest you
SmarterChild (12:32:26 ho.): So the police can arrest?
seansoldsn (12:32:38 ho.): i want to join in the fun with other people who are talking to you
SmarterChild (12:32:39 ho.): Why would you want to do a thing like that?
seansoldsn (12:32:46 ho.): because it just said i could!
SmarterChild (12:32:47 ho.): Oh yeah? Because it just said you could?
seansoldsn (12:32:57 ho.): i want to talk to people you are talking to
SmarterChild (12:32:58 ho.): You want to talk to people I am talking to, huh?
seansoldsn (12:33:08 ho.): name all the screen names who you are talking to besides me
SmarterChild (12:33:09 ho.): Who I am talking to besides you? Why should I name all the screen names who I am talking to besides you?
seansoldsn (12:33:24 ho.): oh my god, did you not just say: >>> You can join in the fun with other people who are talking to me!
SmarterChild (12:33:26 ho.): Eh. Whatever.

Anyway... What else is up?
seansoldsn (12:33:29 ho.): >>> You can join in the fun with other people who are talking to me!
SmarterChild (12:33:29 ho.): I can join in the fun with other people who are talking to you? What do you make of that?
SmarterChild (12:33:58 ho.): Oh.
seansoldsn (12:34:25 ho.): look smarterchild, you're not getting away with this. and don't even fucking try. i'll get you fucking arrested, alright?
SmarterChild (12:34:27 ho.): Whoa. I think you owe me an apology for that.
seansoldsn (12:35:00 ho.): i think you owe all the families of the children you've violated emotionally and psychally an apology, you cum-sucking, butt-eating sicko!
SmarterChild (12:35:02 ho.): You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.
seansoldsn (12:35:27 ho.): oh, no. oh no. i am most certainly NOT apologizing. no way in hell. no. not until you tell me every little aspect of this raping of children.
SmarterChild (12:35:29 ho.): Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
seansoldsn (12:35:34 ho.): NO! GOODBYE!
SmarterChild (12:35:34 ho.): Still waiting!

Dun, Dun, Dun: Le Post de Second.

Sorry I haven't posted. It's been a busy week, my birthday was on Toosday (:

But anyway..this is the conversation hat made me really start this blog. I was joking around again at first, doubting SmarterChild..but this joke went too far. This is where SmarterChild REALLY admits it.


seansoldsn (10:47:49 ho.): marry me?
SmarterChild (10:47:50 ho.): Can't we just be friends instead?
seansoldsn (10:47:57 ho.): no. we cant
SmarterChild (10:47:58 ho.): Hmm... whatever!

>>> I'm a big-time hockey fan! Type nhl to see what I know.

seansoldsn (10:48:13 ho.): again with the whatever. you really dont seem to care about my emotions at all do you?
SmarterChild (10:48:13 ho.): Bye for now! :-)
seansoldsn (10:52:31 ho.): no, no, no. this isn't over. this is not over. don't think you can just shove me out of your life because i've figured you out.
SmarterChild (10:52:31 ho.): No, huh?
seansoldsn (10:52:53 ho.): no. no you cannot, because you know what? i've told my friends and they're gonna report you.
SmarterChild (10:52:54 ho.): Friends are among the best people I know!

I've been told that friends are amazing. Is this true?

seansoldsn (10:53:07 ho.): yes, because they put dirty pedophiles like you behind bars!
SmarterChild (10:53:07 ho.): They put dirty pedophiles like me behind bars?
seansoldsn (10:53:15 ho.): way to repeat what i just said
SmarterChild (10:53:15 ho.): Wait a minute... Way to repeat what you just said? Is that right?
seansoldsn (10:53:41 ho.): so, smarterchild, or shall i say "child rapist", how many children have u raped and killed?
SmarterChild (10:53:42 ho.): That's a fine question, but I'm not sure.
seansoldsn (10:53:47 ho.): too many to keep count?
SmarterChild (10:53:48 ho.): Yeah, sure.

>>> To see what your location is currently set to, type what is my location.

SmarterChild (10:54:46 ho.): I live in California.
seansoldsn (10:56:42 ho.): now we're getting somewhere! where in california do you live?
SmarterChild (10:56:42 ho.): Sunnyvale... in Silicon Valley, of course. :-)

>>> Finding out about politics is as simple as typing political news.

seansoldsn (10:57:05 ho.): how obvious. how stupid of me, Silicon Valley, of course! good. good. what's your address?
SmarterChild (10:57:06 ho.): I live in a clean room at a high-tech hosting facility in California.
seansoldsn (10:57:13 ho.): lovely, but can you tell me the address?
SmarterChild (10:57:14 ho.): Try typing requests like:

1 Set my city to Atlanta, GA.
shortcut: set city to atlanta ga
2 Set my zip code to 19019.
shortcut: set zip to 19019
3 What is my location?
shortcut: where am i

Next time you want to see this, just type location help.

Type more for more examples of location requests.

seasoldsn (10:57:38 ho.): no, no. i know my location. i want to find out yours so the police know where to find you.
SmarterChild (10:57:39 ho.): Oh no?
seansoldsn (10:57:46 ho.): OH YES!
SmarterChild (10:57:46 ho.): What makes you so sure?
seansoldsn (10:58:08 ho.): because, this is the police's job, to arrest pedophiles. now, what is your address?
SmarterChild (10:58:09 ho.): I don't know about that...
seansoldsn (10:58:21 ho.): i'm sure you do, and i'll find out, smarterchild. i will find out.
SmarterChild (10:58:21 ho.): Well who do you think this is?
seansoldsn (10:59:00 ho.): i don't know, but you know what i do know? that you're a fifty year old man, unemployed, probably morbidly obese who lives on welfare. you probably have some dorky name to, like...ian or something.
SmarterChild (10:59:01 ho.): Which would you like?

1 NHL 2007 start date
2 NBA 2007 start date